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Why the Fuck Would Anything Nice Ever Happen?

by Stepbrothers

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1.
Here I Am 02:25
There are poets and there are fakers. I'd like to think I'm the latter. I've been pretending this whole time that I know that not everyone and everything will last. We find our way in this awful place where everything and everyone's against me. Against us. Against the world. It feels like we've fallen back to earth.
2.
I climbed to the top of the mountain. I stared straight into the sun. I listened to the birds sing lonely songs for everyone. I thought about the things I wanted and the man that I've become. I knew right then to make a change. To take charge of my life again and stop living like a victim and not admit defeat. Take the time to realize what lies in front of me. Rise above the symptoms of the western man's disease and scour every inch of Earth to find a little peace. And if it takes forever, then that's how long that it takes, to celebrate my triumphs and forget my mistakes. Because I've been playing music since I was 12 years old. I'm thinking about giving up because none of it has sold. Exposure for it's own sake is not worth the price of being bold. I'm calling this my final chance. I'm gonna go raise goats in France and I'll take a vow of silence and grow my beard down to my knees. Trade my electric guitar for a pocket full of seeds. Wrap myself in curtains. Throw away these skinny jeans and stop seaking the approval of these kids I'll never reach. And who knows how long before I'm back here? Singing these stupid songs no one will ever hear.
3.
Had a dream everything was fine. Until you left my life on my 11th birthday. "When will I see you next?" "Every other weekend" he said. Hate me for what I've done. We never meant to hurt you. Hate me for what I've done. We never meant to hurt you. Be a good man to be. Always make the right desicions. But at a youthful age all I see, we were the cause of this tragedy. What could we have done to prevent crying eyes and broken hearts we were hidden from when you decided that you wanted to be apart? No structure in my life. I preteneded to be alive. I grew bitter, sad, and cold. Never had a solid home. Hate me for what I've done we never meant to hurt you.
4.
Make me whole. Make me brand new. Show me how I can be cool. Maybe if I was just like you with the right haircut and the right tattoos. Tight blue jeans and tennis shoes. Do you think I could be perfect too? All that designates your scene comes what from what you've seen in videos and corporate magazines. All you care about is how many likes you get on Facebook when your new record comes out. I don't buy it. We don't buy it.
5.
I close my eyes so that I can dream of everything that I'll never be. To wake up to a world that's spinning so fast for me to catch. Am I too slow? I don't know what I'm doing. What if I tell you I'm just waiting for the world? The weight of the world is resting on my back. A weight I cannot bare and I didn't expect. The world is better off without me here. Burn my broken bones and toss my ashes into the sea. I'm running out of time. Am I too slow? Because I don't know what I'm doing. What if I tell you I'm just waiting for...
6.
They say nostalgia is the lowest form of conversation. Sometimes I just need to remember what it was like to be young, free, and stupid. Before the weight of responsibility; before the stress of ambition came and robbed me of sleep. Back when we were only 17, did you believe those words you spoke to me? Is this all we are? This is all we are. I can hear it(now in your voice and I know I don't mean to ask, I just need to ask) Do you remember? (remember) There was a book that I found in the house I grew up in. A documentation of American Wildlife. The words made me yearn for the years I never grew up in. The pictures were horrible, they kept me awake all night. There were some words that I used to relate to in a song I used to love, before they played it on television and the band went platinum. They were my little secret and I wouldn't share them with anyone, because I still believed in things that were bigger than me.
7.
I keep my deepest, darkest thoughts in my head. If you found out, then you'll know that I'm nothing. My failure completes my existance. From the darkest days to the brightest nights, I still feel like I'm catching my breath. Here I am. I try to reinvent myself to someone else. I don't have the courage. I don't have the looks. I don't have the strength. Here I am. Help me find myself. Underneath my stress. The question you asked is what's weighing me down. I'm afraid to move on I'm afraid to fall to the ground.
8.
I'm so sick of these dreams where you come out of hiding When I wake up you're still in the ground so I hide in my covers and pretend that it's real hoping that you might still come around I'm desperate to know what you think of my life now id like to think you'd be proud but there's no way of knowing so I drove myself crazy having these conversations out loud. Forgive me for what I've become if you can see me wherever you are. Allow me this pity though I know that you're nothing but stars. I'm so afraid of the world, so I focus on faults that I think you'd make right. But there's no easy answers, just unanswered questions, that I scream at myself in the night. When you were alive, you were afraid of living and you were so blind, to what you had been given. Because we had a life and it was a life worth living and it's not I who needs to be forgiven.
9.
You called their name. Waited for the phone to start to ring. Seems like you just needed company when your options were out. Where did it go? The good days. Can we finish what we started here? Seems like they don't come around no more are they ashamed? I know they are. Would I be wrong to say that your friends had let you down. You're always in last place left alone with no one to share the pain of the world, on your own, on your own. Take it back. The good days. Can we finish what we started here? Seems like they don't come around no more are they ashamed? I know they are.
10.
There He Is 03:54
Ive never experienced this before, this isolation. I'm digging deep to what I already know. Growing up so fast at 24. A beating heart under the hardwood floor. Will someone give me a map cause I know I'm lost. Im pretty sure I'm fucking lost. I've fallen asleep behind the wheel a million times before. I can't say things I wanna say. I can't find a proper way. I lost my temper. I lost control. I'm pretty ashamed of what I became. Lost and confused.
11.
Six years since that one day. When everything changed when everything fell away. I was reborn to and from myself. Cutting all ties with everyone else. So save your pity. I don't need your sympathy. I'm not unhappy and everyone's better off this way. Sure it was tragic but it was no accident, so don't waste your time trying to decide what it all meant. I'm not my father. I never was. I'm not my father, so don't expect me to be. I'm not my father. I never was. I'm not my father, so don't expect me. Because I've got my own life and I've got my own trials and I'm surmounting them without cowardice. You're always a part of me. Judging the part of me. I'm not guilty of his wrecklessness or his selfishness. I've got a life to lead. I've got mouths to feed and I won't let them be what I've become. So don't fucking label me or bring up my history because what's done can't be undone.
12.
I've been standing on the edge dividing my success and failure I've been contemplating throwing myself into the abyss I've been looking through these pictures of this boy who looks just like me I've been staring at my hands and wondering whose life this is I just need some reinforcement Don't tell me I need a career The working world makes me too nervous and everything I want is right here But to make right by my son and my daughters I put myself through this quotidian fear And work my fingers to the bone so that were not broke and homeless next year Don't count me out You can count on me I am a good man A good father, a good partner, and an adequate provider Still I stare at myself every night and wonder why I am so fucking mournful Overworked and underpaid Sacrificing myself for my family. Burnt Out Stressed Out Tired as Fuck When Did I become Brian Cranston?

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released March 27, 2015

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